London Non-Transport

Aaaahhhh the weekend a time to hang out with your friends entertain yourselves and not have to worry about getting home thanks to London Transport
LIKE FUCK
Now I suppose everyone thats ever been in London has had they're gripes about this subject but now its my turn and about time me thinks.
So its Saturday and I think 'Hmm(finger and thumb on chin) i think I'll go south of the river to the lovely Brixton and visit some friends,lovely.
1st port of call tube station to find out ;
No District Line (engineering works) ,oh well no probs can deal with that
No Northern Line,Bank Branch(engineering works) ,no big deal can use Charing cross Branch
then
No Central Line (flooding) grrrrrrrrrrr
This is takin the piss a bit as trying to get west from East London is now proving tricky but over all not too difficult to get around (and not the point of this rant)
Get to Brixton meet up with the fantastic Mr Reilly and wonderfull Ms Smacked Face and indulge on a wonderful Borough Market fresh fish dinner prepared by the afore mentioned.
What to do now,hmm well tring to stay on the wagon so all pubs and bars are out the window,lets go see a film at the Ritzy which I must say is quite an enjoyable cinema to sit in.
All agreed off we trundle to see ''The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou'' a film that I didn't know what to expect,that turned out to be thoroughly enjoyable even though there was some bobby no mates howling like a stuck pig at parts that weren't even meant to be funny,and I would recommend it to all.
This is where the fun begins.
So the film ends we say our good byes and I realise it's after the last tube,no problems thats what the magic of the night bus is for,isn't it??
Well the answer to that question is NO.
Here I am standing at the bus stop in Brixton looking at the little LED sign saying how long it is till the bus turns up,watching it count down from 10 minutes (not bad thinks I)right down to 'due' then my bus number disappears with no bus passing hmmm oh well there's another in 6 minutes,but alas no the same thing happens again,and again,and again and Im thinkin bunch of arse its gettin cold.So this goes on until a bus appears not lookin to full but the driver obviously didn't like the look of the punters in my bus stop so just glides on by leaving some pretty confused lookin people standing in the cold.This happens 2 more times as the temperature drops and my chance of reproducing dwindles (Not that I ever get the chance).
Finally I get another bus which can link me to another which I board thankfully as I am now visibly shivering.Sitting down now slowly thawing out when a bunch of 10 or so drunk lads enter the upper floor,which one of is carring a piece of 2 x 1 timber,oh brilliant here is little me with my fancy headphones and no energy thinking 'its just my night for this to happen' but thankfully they just ran amock amoungst themselves for half the bus ride and left,back to normal phew.
Headphones and person intact I relaxed until some fuck knuckle decided he wanted to smoke,which I dont mind but opening lots of windows to do so I do mind and I had reached the end of my tether with this evening so I spoke up and thankfully he listened.
Finally I reach the point to swap busses and thank fuck this seemed to be going ok until the number 25 'Bendy' bus showes absolutely rammedand smelling like a brewery,what is it at 2am that makes a huge bus like this have more people than at rush hour??
Finally Im home 2 and a half fucking hours later luckily there is no sharp knives or sleeping pills and there is a law against handguns.
Thanks London Transport

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